So what exactly are your clothes saying? And more importantly, is it what you intend?

In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Stacie Baillie - an ICF-trained coach, leadership advisor, image consultant, certified makeup artist, and founder of Radiant Mirror, who has spent 30 years inside some of the world's largest global organisations watching how the way people show up quietly makes or breaks careers. The conversation covers the secret language of clothing: why 93% of communication is non-verbal and what that means for what you put on in the morning; the sumptuary laws of medieval England (yes, you could be fined for wearing the wrong colour); how the post-Covid collapse of formal dress codes has made the unwritten rules harder to read, not easier; and why a well-fitted jacket can literally change your posture and therefore how the world responds to you.

Along the way: a Savile Row tailor's verdict on why fit matters more than labels; why King Charles may have worn chalk stripe to the US Senate on purpose; the VP who was being held back not by her work but by her wardrobe; and the single button on a senior woman's blouse that research shows was enough to reduce perceptions of her competence significantly.

This episode also wrestles with the tensions that sit underneath all of it: between self-expression and conformity, between dressing for yourself and dressing for others, between the freedom to wear what you like and the reality that you will be judged for it regardless. Stacie's closing advice is both practical and kind.

Part two - what specific items of clothing and colours are actually signalling to the people around you - is coming. But start here.

Guest

Stacie Baillie: ICF-trained coach, leadership advisor, image consultant, and certified makeup artist. Founder of Radiant Mirror, which offers coaching, leadership development, and influence and image consulting. Stacie spent 30 years working in senior roles at some of the world’s largest global organisations, including banking and consulting, before founding Radiant Mirror to help people bridge the gap between how they see themselves and how the world sees them. You can contact her via her website: www.radiantmirror.ca

Contact the show

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

You're not alone.

Researchers at the University of Chicago put commuters on trains and buses and asked some of them to strike up a conversation with the stranger next to them. The ones who did reported significantly happier journeys, every single time. And yet when they asked a separate group beforehand whether they’d enjoy it, almost everyone said no. They predicted feeling awkward or unwanted. They were wrong, but the fear was so convincing, they believed it anyway.

And yet, for the sake of your health and sanity, you need to find a way to overcome that fear of striking up a conversation and building rapport - connecting - with anyone.

One in six people worldwide is now affected by loneliness. Around 100 deaths happen every hour as a result. The WHO has declared social connection a public health crisis on a par with obesity and smoking. And yet 75% of us say nothing replaces human connection. We have more ways to reach each other than any generation that has ever lived and we are lonelier than ever.

In this episode, hosts Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Anitra Irrera - BBC Radio Kent broadcast journalist, reporter and producer - to explore the art and science of rapport: what it actually is, why we find it so terrifying, and what it takes to build genuine connection with a complete stranger. Anitra has spent her career doing the thing most of us dread - walking up to people she has never met and getting them to open up, whether that’s a grieving family, a hostile politician, or a reluctant celebrity who clearly doesn’t want to be there.

This episode covers the neuroscience of eye contact, smiling, and mirror neurons; why mirroring someone’s energy and pace builds instant trust (and why this is both a teaching tool in NLP and, some would argue, a dark art); how the fear of rejection is wired into us at a survival level, and how to override it; the Norwegian approach to directness and what the British can learn from it; why digital connection is not the same as the real thing neurologically; and the single most powerful thing you can do to build rapport with anyone, anywhere. Spoiler alert - it involves swearing but not in the way you might think.

If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your phone to avoid making eye contact on the tube, this one’s for you. Because every person you’ve ever loved was once a stranger. Every single one.

Guest

Anitra Irrera - BBC Radio Kent broadcast journalist, reporter and producer. Originally from Bergen in Norway, Anitra holds a degree in Psychology and Anthropology and has spent her career building rapport under pressure: from music interviews to political reporting to live broadcasting. She is also a teacher.

Contact

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

References

Research mentioned in this episode

• University of Chicago commuter study - Epley & Schroeder (2014), ‘Mistakenly seeking solitude’, Journal of Experimental Psychology: General
• WHO report on loneliness as a global public health priority (2023)
• Mirror neurons and social connection - Rizzolatti & Craighero (2004), Annual Review of Neuroscience

NLP and rapport

• NLP World — introduction to matching, mirroring and rapport – https://www.nlpworld.co.uk
• Psychology Today — The Science of Rapport – https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/rapport

The 100 days of rejection experiment

• Jia Jiang – ‘Rejection Proof’ TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection

Loneliness and social connection

• WHO — Social isolation and loneliness – https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/promotion-prevention/social-connection
• Campaign to End Loneliness (UK) – https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org

You know the one. It starts the moment you wake up at 3am, or maybe it’s the reason you woke up in the first place. Not good enough. Not clever enough. Not doing enough. Most of us are having a conversation with ourselves that we would never tolerate from another person. And it’s doing real damage: to our confidence, our relationships, and for many of us, our sleep.

In this episode, hosts, Sarah Wright and psychologist Dr Victoria Stakelum, explore why our brains default to negative self-talk, what it is physically doing to our bodies, and what we can do to change it. Victoria explains the science behind negativity bias - the evolutionary survival mechanism that causes the brain to scan for threat and, in the absence of real danger, manufacture it - and why the stories we tell ourselves at night are particularly potent. In a wakeful sleep state, the body can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a vividly imagined one. The catastrophic 3am thought spiral is, quite literally, a self-induced stress response.

The conversation covers the physiological cost of chronic self-criticism (inflammation, disrupted sleep hormones, reduced immunity), the origins of the inner critic in childhood programming and social comparison, and the research showing that how we speak to ourselves directly shapes what becomes possible for us. Victoria also opens up about her own relationship with perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking - a reminder that even the psychologist is working on it.

You’ll come away with a step-by-step process for building kinder self-talk from the ground up: from the one sentence that can de-escalate a 3am spiral, to body scan techniques, to the most powerful reframe of all: responding to yourself as you would to someone you genuinely love.

Contact

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

References

Sarah’s book

• Get Back to Sleep: A Recovering Insomniac’s Practical Guide to Beating Insomnia – Available on Amazon

CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia)

• Sarah refers to this course that helped her: ReSleep.

Self-talk and self-compassion

• Self-Compassion - Dr Kristin Neff’s research and free self-compassion exercises https://self-compassion.org
• Psychology Today - What Is Negative Self-Talk, and How Can You Change It? https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/self-talk

Negativity bias

• Verywell Mind - What Is the Negativity Bias? https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618

Mindfulness and body scan

• NHS Every Mind Matters - Mindfulness and body scan audio guides: https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/mindfulness/

In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr. Victoria Stakelum explore the inner dialogue that shapes everything: your confidence, your decisions, your relationships, and your ability to have difficult conversations.

We unpack where your inner critic comes from (spoiler: it was formed in childhood, and it thinks it's helping), how to tell the difference between fear-based chatter and genuine gut instinct, and what to do when that voice in your head is holding you back.

You'll learn why trying to silence your inner critic backfires, what you can do so it loses its grip, and the ABC technique for regulating yourself in the moment. Plus: the surprising power of giving your inner critic a name, why affirmations can make things worse if you don't believe them, and how journaling with your non-dominant hand might unlock answers your conscious mind can't reach.

If you've ever beaten yourself up after a meeting, talked yourself out of something you wanted, or wondered why you can't just think more positively—this one's for you.

Topics covered:

• What a “conversation with yourself” really is and why we’re all doing it (whether we notice it or not).
• Why the tone and volume of your self-talk matters for wellbeing and relationships.
• How to spot when you’re being hijacked in a conversation (mental and physical signs).
• A simple regulation framework you can use anywhere: Awareness → Breath → Choice.
• How to work with (not against) your inner critic, including naming it and understanding what it’s trying to do for you.
• Why “positive affirmations” can backfire and how to do realism-based positivity instead.
• Practical ways to externalise your thoughts: journaling, speaking out loud, and prompts that take you deeper.

Guest Information

• Dr. Victoria Stakelum - Psychologist & Mindset Coach
• Sarah Wright - Communications & Creative Strategist
• Victoria's Oracle Cards: Available at thesuccesssmith.com under Launchpad

Contact / listener questions

Have a conversational conundrum or a question sparked by this episode? Email the show at ABloodyGoodConversation@gmail.com .

In this follow-up Q&A, communications consultant Sarah Wright and psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum answer listener questions sparked by the episode “Why do conversations feel so hard right now?” Together, they explore why modern digital life speeds up our brains, how emotions and subconscious triggers derail what we’re trying to say, and what to do when miscommunication happens. You’ll hear practical tools for slowing down in high-stakes moments, regulating your nervous system, improving clarity, and bringing “clean energy” into important conversations.

What You’ll Learn

• A simple way to slow your speaking without losing your thinking
• Why “I’m fine” rarely lands.
• The difference between regulation and repression, and how to name emotions without blaming.
• A practical NLP tool to reduce conflict and widen perspective. (NLP World)
• How modern messaging trains us into instant-response habits (and how to retrain expectations).
• How to build patience through nervous system practice.
• How to spot miscommunication early and the receiver/sender checks that prevent escalation.
• What “cup-filling conversations” look like (past, present, future), and why they matter.
• What “clean energy” is and how to stop emotional agenda hijacking outcomes.

Resources Mentioned

• Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine (referenced in the episode in the context of emotional channels / “PQ”). (Positive Intelligence)
• Perceptual Positions (NLP) – perspective-shifting technique discussed in the episode. (NLP World)

Got a conversational conundrum you want us to unpack?

Send your questions to ABloodyGoodConversation@gmail.com.

If you're dating in 2026 and wondering how to start a conversation, avoid dating fatigue, and actually find someone you're compatible with, this episode is for you.

Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Lydia Hoey, matchmaking director at Maclynn International and a science-based dating coach, to talk about how modern dating is changing - including the slightly alarming rise of AI companionship (72% of American teenagers have now interacted with an AI companion, and Meta is building chatbots to fill the ‘romantic gap’) - and what still matters most: real-world connection, values, and the ability to communicate clearly.

In this episode, we discuss how to approach modern dating with more clarity and less stress: how to define your values (properly, not just picking words), how to choose first-date settings that reduce awkwardness and increase connection, and how to avoid turning a date into an interview. You'll get practical conversation openers to keep things light and engaging, guidance on dating mindset (switching out of "work mode"), and tools for navigating the messy bits - like mixed signals, texting "rules", attachment styles, and how to end things kindly without ghosting.

Guest

Lydia Hoey - Matchmaking Director at Maclynn International, and a qualified science-based dating coach and matchmaker. https://maclynninternational.com/

Contact

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

References

Attachment styles

• Psychology Today – Relationship Attachment Style Test (UK): https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test
• Attachment Project – Attachment Style Quiz: https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/

Love languages

• The 5 Love Languages® – Official Love Language Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

Communication style

• Verywell Mind – Communication Style Quiz: https://www.verywellmind.com/take-the-communication-style-quiz-7973143

36 Questions

• This site has them all: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness

Films referenced

• Hitch (2005) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/
• Swingers (1996) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/
• When Harry Met Sally... (1989) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/

It’s not just you. That’s why, in this episode, we (that’s communications consultant, Sarah Wright, and psychologist and mindset coach, Dr Victoria Stakelum) explore the real reasons communication has become so challenging: from the speed of modern life to nervous system overload, digital disconnection, and the pressure to respond instantly.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why time feels faster and how this impacts the way we think
• How technology affects our nervous systems and patience
• Why we’re “connected” but still lonely
• The one simple shift that instantly improves every conversation
• How energy, not wording, shapes how you’re received
• The role of rapport with others and yourself
• How slowing down can transform conflict, communication, and connection.

This episode is for anyone who wants calmer, richer, more meaningful conversations at work, at home, and everywhere in between. In it, we reference:

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — Stephen R. Covey
• The Trust Technique – www.thetrusttechnique.com
• Laura Lynne Jackson – ww. lauralynnejackson.com
• 100 Ways to Raise Your Vibration – Victoria’s pdf can be downloaded here: https://thesuccesssmith.thrivecart.com/100ways

We’d genuinely love to hear your experiences. Please share what you tried, what shifted, or any questions you’d like us to cover in future episodes by emailing abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Enjoy the episode.

From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations shape everything: your career, your connections, your confidence. But while we all learned to talk as toddlers, no one really taught us how to have good conversations, the kind where you feel heard, understood, and genuinely connected.

If you’ve ever found yourself:

• • tongue-tied in a difficult conversation
  • replaying an argument in your head for days
  • dodging tricky chats at work or at home
  • stuck in small talk when you want something deeper

…this podcast is for you.

Why this podcast matters now

We’re living in a time of constant connection and growing disconnection. Research shows that:

• Around half of UK adults report feeling lonely, even when surrounded by others
• Only a small proportion of our daily conversations are truly meaningful, most are just logistics and small talk
• Smartphones and screens are eroding our face-to-face communication skills and attention.

School taught us how to perform and achieve. It didn’t teach us how to listen, how to disagree well, how to set boundaries, or how to talk about things that really matter. Culture often treats conversation as polite chit-chat or intellectual debate, not as a tool for emotional connection, repair, and understanding.

This podcast exists to change that.

Meet your hosts

Join two curious conversationalists:

• Dr Victoria Stakelum – psychologist and mindset coach, specialising in the subconscious mind, emotions, and how we relate to ourselves and others
• Sarah Wright – communications consultant, creative strategist, and conversation curator

Together, they explore how to have a bloody good conversation, at work, at home, in relationships, and in all those moments we’d secretly rather avoid.

The topic of conversation

In Series 1, Sarah and seasoned journalist Mai Davies explored the art of conversation, including:

• When and how to use humour in conversation
• How to handle conflict effectively (without burning bridges
• How to listen so people feel truly heard
• How to read a room and pick your moment
• How to talk about things that matter – from work disagreements and family tensions to death, cultural identity, and negotiating under pressure.

Now, previous guest, Dr Victoria Stakelum, joins as co-host to give a different perspective using her experience drawn from her corporate life running million-pound businesses and current occupation as psychologist and mindset coach. Through real-life examples and practical tools, she shares why:

• Self-awareness is the foundation of every bloody good conversation
• Curiosity and empathy – stepping into someone else’s shoes – are non-negotiable
• Better conversations don’t start with control; they start with noticing your own reactions, regulating your energy, and staying calm under pressure

Why conversation skills matter

Conversation is something we do together. The best conversations happen when both people feel safe, equipped, and able to bring their full selves to the table.

When we lose the art of conversation, we all lose: misunderstandings grow, resentment builds, and we drift further away from the people who matter most.

This podcast was created to help us all:

• have better, braver conversations
• navigate conflict and difference with more confidence
• end conversations in a way that feels good for everyone – heard, understood, and genuinely connected.

If you’re looking for a conversation skills podcast that’s practical, warm, honest, and real, hit follow and join us as we learn the art of meaningful dialogue – one bloody good conversation at a time.

In this episode, we're joined by Chris Adriaanse, author of To The Heart of Difficult Conversations - a beautifully poignant anthology co-created with Berwick Literary Festival, Create Berwick, and students at Berwick Academy in Northumberland.

Inspired by an ancient border-side plaque commemorating uneasy meetings between English and Scottish monarchs, this remarkable collection blends local history, folklore, and raw teenage insight on what it means to tackle tough talks.

From chemistry lab to storytelling stage, Chris has discovered something profound about human nature: the conversations we avoid don't disappear, they fester. In this episode, Chris shares his remarkable journey and the wisdom gleaned from working with 13 to 14-year-olds who wrote with startling honesty about the difficult conversations in their lives.

What You'll Learn:

• The Drop of Honey: How avoided conversations escalate into life-changing consequences
• The Beast in the Bean Garden: What we lose when we avoid difficult people and conversations
• Spells vs Stories: Breaking free from the endless narratives keeping you stuck
• Positive Language: Why saying what you want (not what you don't want) changes everything
• Emotional Regulation: Walking slowly into difficult conversations instead of reacting

This episode is for you if you've been putting off a difficult conversation for weeks, months, or even years, and you're tired of avoiding certain people or topics because they feel too hard to address. Whether you want to stop tiptoeing around issues and start addressing them head-on, or you're curious about why some conversations feel so scary even when they shouldn't, this episode offers practical tools for staying calm and regulated during tense discussions. If you're ready to break free from the stories that keep you stuck in old patterns and believe that better conversations can transform your relationships and your life, this episode will give you a completely fresh perspective on the conversations you've been avoiding.

Guest Bio: Chris Adriaanse transitioned from chemistry PhD to professional storyteller, combining scientific thinking with ancient wisdom. His collaborative book project with Berwick Literary Festival captures authentic teenage voices navigating difficult conversations.

Links:

• Book: "To the Heart of Difficult Conversations" available to buy from Chris's website, www.chrisadriaanse.co.uk

In this episode, we're joined by Claudia McKenzie, General Manager of Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen in South London and former PR executive, who brings both personal experience and practical wisdom to one of our most challenging social dynamics.

Claudia's story spans generations - from her parents' journey from Jamaica in the 1960s, facing "No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish" signs while helping rebuild post-war Britain, to her own experiences navigating predominantly white spaces as a successful Black British professional. Her perspective is both unflinching about barriers and refreshingly pragmatic about solutions.

We explore the infamous Buckingham Palace "Where are you really from?" incident, discuss why conversations about race feel harder now despite social progress, and tackle the fear that stops us from reaching across cultural divides. Claudia's advice? "We all just need to get a grip and remember that most people are simply curious about each other”.

This conversation we hope will change how you approach cross-cultural communication, whether you're building workplace relationships, making friends in your community, or simply want to connect more authentically with people who look different from you.

This Episode is For You If you want to build better relationships across racial and cultural differences, feel nervous about saying the wrong thing in diverse environments, lead teams with people from various backgrounds, want to understand the Black British experience better, are curious about how historical context affects current conversations, work in multicultural settings, or simply want to be more confident connecting with people who don't look like you.

Guest Bio: Claudia McKenzie is the co-owner and General Manager of Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen in Herne Hill, South London, known for its exceptional Jamaican-British fusion cuisine. A former PR executive with extensive experience in corporate communications, Claudia brings unique insights to cross-cultural dialogue shaped by her family's journey from 1960s Jamaica to modern Britain. She's passionate about authentic conversation and building bridges across differences.

Key Topics Covered:

• The Windrush generation and post-war Caribbean immigration to Britain
• Systemic barriers and the "work twice as hard" reality
• Strategic naming choices and professional advancement
• The Buckingham Palace incident: intention vs. impact
• Social media's effect on racial discourse
• Workplace diversity and inclusion conversations
• Historical context for current racial tensions
• Building authentic relationships across cultural differences

Connect with Claudia:

• Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen, 49-51 Norwood Road, Herne Hill, London SE24 9AA
• Book here: https://parksedgebarandkitchen.com/ or by calling 0208 671 0306 or emailing info@parksedgebnk.com
• Instagram: @parksedgebarandkitchen
• Facebook: @parksedgebarandkitchen

In this episode, we're joined by Kate Nolan-Burgess, a grief and identity coach who helps people navigate the many forms grief can take - from bereavement to major life transitions. Kate brings a unique cultural perspective, having grown up in Poland, where death felt woven into everyday life, before moving to the UK, where arguably it's hidden behind euphemisms and avoidance.

We explore why Western culture has made grief harder than it needs to be, what other cultures can teach us about death and mourning, and practical advice for having better conversations around loss. Kate shares insights from her Master's in Death, Religion and Culture, as well as from her work supporting people through The Lost Self Club.

From understanding why we use euphemisms like 'passed away' to learning what NOT to say to someone who's grieving, this episode provides essential skills for one of life's most challenging conversations.

What You'll Learn:

• Why there's no "right way" to grieve and how cultural rituals can help
• The harmful phrases that make grief harder (and what to say instead)
• How to support someone who's grieving without managing their emotions
• Why euphemisms for death reveal our cultural discomfort
• The concept of "Swedish Death Cleaning" and preparing for mortality
• How to talk to children about death honestly and clearly
• Practical phrases for acknowledging grief and loss
• The difference between grief support in individualistic vs. community cultures

This Episode is For You if you want to better support friends, family, or colleagues through loss, struggle with what to say when someone is grieving, are interested in cultural approaches to death and mourning, want to have more honest conversations about mortality, are supporting someone through a major life transition, work in healthcare, counselling, or people management, or are curious about death-positive approaches to end-of-life conversations.

Guest Bio: Kate Nolan-Burgess is a grief and identity coach who helps people navigate loss in all its forms. She holds a Master's in Death, Religion and Culture and founded The Lost Self Club, supporting new mothers through identity transitions. Drawing on a culturally diverse background and lived experience, her work centres on helping people understand that grief isn't a problem to solve but a natural human experience to honour.

Resources Mentioned:

• The Lost Self Club (Kate's programme for new mothers)
• Swedish Death Cleaning concept
• Polish cultural mourning practices
• The problematic "five stages of grief" model

Connect with Kate:

• Instagram: @TheLostSelfClub
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-nolan-burgess/;
• Website: www.thelostselfclub.com

In this episode, we’re joined by Chris Head – comedy director, author, and speaking coach – to explore what stand-up comedians know about human connection, timing, and bouncing back from awkwardness that the rest of us can use in real life.

We dive into powerful tools from the world of stand-up comedy — including recovery lines, comic framing, and self-deprecation — and how they can be applied to real-life scenarios like difficult work meetings, presentations, public speaking, and even relationship rifts.

Chris explains why playfulness is a powerful antidote to tension, how a well-timed joke (or even just a lighter tone) can defuse conflict, and how comedy helps us handle both literal and metaphorical hecklers. He also shares practical ways to rehearse difficult conversations, build confidence, and find your voice — all without having to step onto a comedy club stage.

Whether you're a team leader, a creative, a coach, or simply someone who wants to communicate more effectively, listen more actively, and recover when things go wrong, this episode offers surprising and valuable takeaways.

You’ll never look at “banter,” awkward silences, or bad Zoom calls the same way again.

What we learned in this episode:

• You don’t have to be funny to use humour.
• Recovery lines help you bounce back when things go wrong.
• Naming the awkward moment can win the room.
• The three-repeat rule keeps you calm and in control.
• Zoom meetings work better when you treat them like real conversations.
• Lightness can be your secret weapon in tough conversations.

This is for you if you're looking to improve your communication skills, navigate difficult conversations, handle conflict with greater ease, or become a more engaging public speaker.

Links

Chris Head’s Books: A Director’s Guide to the Art of Stand-Up , Creating Comedy Narratives For Stage and Screen

Website: ChrisHead.com

Services: Stand-up coaching, comedy writing, speaking coaching

Corporate Training: Available for agency and business workshops - Chris Head Stand-Up & Presentation Coaching

In this illuminating conversation, we talk about fear, identity, money, confidence, and how to ask for what you want - even when you're not sure where to start. Josh shares the three conversations everyone should have before making a career change and explains why most of us are "pre-failing" before we even begin.

Whether you're burnt out, bored, or just ready for something more meaningful, this is a practical and hopeful listen.

In this episode, we explore:

• How to recognise when you're experiencing "Sunday night dread, probably every night of the week"
• The three essential conversations for successful career transitions
• Why career changes rarely happen overnight and how to approach transitions realistically
• How to handle the identity destabilisation that comes with career shifts
• The concept of "pre-failing" and how it keeps us stuck
• Why you're 7x more likely to get a job through conversations than applications
• Setting a target number of conversations to move your career forward
• How to choose conversations wisely and hold them gently
• Navigating financial anxiety during career transitions
• Building your second career on the shoulders of your first

About Josh Peck: Josh Peck is the founder of Your Best Life and the Align career change programme. After 20 years as a corporate lobbyist, Josh made his own midlife career transition and now specializes in helping people navigate career changes that align with who they are, what they do best, and how they want to live.

Running order

00:24 – Why this episode matters: conversations that get you hired

02:33 – Josh’s career pivot: from politics to coaching

06:10 – The Amy Winehouse moment that changed everything

08:36 – The 3 conversations everyone needs to have

13:09 – Why money fear keeps us stuck (and how to manage it)

19:49 – How to deal with unsupportive partners or sceptics

25:41 – Why 50 conversations can unlock your next job

29:11 – “Pre-failing” and how to stop sabotaging yourself

33:48 – How to craft a narrative that makes people want to help

46:46 – Why networking events don’t work (and what to do instead)

Links

• Josh’s website is https://yourbestlifeuk.com/
• Instagram: @YourBestLifeUK

Everything!

In this episode, we sit down with Scott Walker, one of the world’s most experienced kidnap-for-ransom and crisis negotiators, to explore what high-stakes hostage negotiation can teach us about everyday conversations. With over 300 successful cases under his belt, Scott now trains leaders at Apple, Amazon, the UN, and beyond.

Whether you're negotiating a deal, a deadline, or dinner, Scott’s wisdom will help you regulate better, listen smarter, and get more of what matters — without a fight.

We should have titled this episode "What can a hostage negotiator teach us about negotiating at work, while parenting, and during high-pressure conversations?" 😄

We talk with Scott about:

• Why “negotiation” isn’t just for boardrooms
• The 3 types of conversation (and how to spot them)
• Why most of us misunderstand the type of conversation we’re in
• The one mindset shift that makes you a better communicator overnight
• How to regulate your emotions mid-conflict (aka “Paws (pause). Toes. Choose.”)
• Why assumptions are expensive, and listening is cheap
• How to deal with difficult people without losing your cool

This episode is packed with tools, stories, and sticky metaphors that will change the way you communicate – from pirates to partners.

Running Order:

• 00:09 – Why most of us struggle with conversations
• 01:06 – Introductions - Scott Walker: hostage negotiator turned leadership coach
• 02:25 – Negotiation as purposeful conversation
• 03:51 – What pirates and teenagers have in common
• 05:06 – Assumptions: the expensive earplugs blocking real communication
• 06:45 – The three types of conversation: practical, emotional, and identity-driven
• 11:32 – When your identity feels under threat
• 12:25 – Regulating your emotions under pressure
• 13:53 – Scott’s first major mistake — and the colleague who saved him
• 15:58 – Managing emotional triggers: observe, don’t absorb
• 20:14 – Better conversations start with better self-awareness
• 21:55 – “Pause. Reflect. Choose.” — a technique for staying grounded
• 25:27 – The importance of practising calm before you need it
• 29:14 – Taking ownership of your emotions (and outcomes)
• 30:06 – How to deal with difficult people (egos, narcissists, manipulators)
• 32:22 – Trump vs Zelensky: a lesson in how not to have a conversation
• 35:30 – Warmth cues, head tilts, and how we signal we’re listening
• 37:02 – Scott’s “antennae” approach to reading the room
• 40:14 – Why better conversations start in your body (Paws. Toes. Antennae.)
• 42:10 – Trust as the cornerstone of any successful negotiation
• 43:49 – When the relationship matters more than the outcome
• 45:35 – The five levels of listening — and why most people never get past level two
• 48:50 – Why what and how questions are better than why
• 52:16 – The power of silence (and why we find it so uncomfortable)
• 53:08 – How to sound human, not robotic
• 55:22 – How to negotiate under pressure — in real time
• 57:03 – Scott’s parting advice: ditch the excuses, do the work

Links

> Scott’s books – Eye of The Storm (out 8 May 2025) and Order Out of Chaos can be purchased here: https://amzn.eu/d/5T0dasf

> Thrive under pressure course - May 20 thriveunderpressure.co.

> Sign up for Scott’s newsletter here: https://winanynegotiation.com/pages/contact

> Follow Scott on

We all hate being wrong. It feels uncomfortable, sometimes even threatening. But what if being wrong wasn’t something to fear but an opportunity for connection, learning, and deeper conversations?

In this episode, Dr. Victoria Stakelum, a psychologist and NLP Master Coach, joins us again to unpack the complexity of wrongness - why it triggers such strong emotions, how societal norms shape our ideas of right and wrong, and what to do when we (inevitably) get something wrong.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why wrongness is often subjective and why that matters.
• The emotional weight of admitting you’re wrong (and how to handle it).
• How curiosity can turn disagreements into meaningful discussions.
• The best way to challenge someone else’s wrongness - without making them defensive.
• Why separating identity from opinion makes for better conversations.
• Practical strategies for handling workplace disagreements, difficult conversations, and public missteps.

Whether you’re navigating a tough conversation at work, dealing with differing worldviews, or just trying to be less reactive when someone calls you out, this episode will help you reframe wrongness and use it as a tool for better communication.

Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

Ever wish you could read minds in meetings or knew what someone else was thinking? While telepathy might be out of reach, understanding emotions, body language, and unspoken cues is a skill you can develop - and it can completely transform your workplace interactions.

In this episode, Dr. Victoria Stakelum, a psychologist and subconscious mind specialist, reveals the science of mind reading - or rather, how to truly read the room, anticipate responses, and adapt your communication for better results.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why mind reading starts with understanding yourself.
• How to spot the subtle nonverbal cues that reveal what people are really thinking.
• The hidden emotional undercurrents in workplace conversations (and how to navigate them).
• Why people rarely say what they mean - and how to uncover their true concerns.
• How self-awareness helps you filter out biases and avoid misreading situations.
• Practical techniques for improving emotional intelligence and workplace communication.
• The work of Marshall Rosenberg - a clinical psychologist who pioneered this approach to promoting empathic dialogue and understanding among all parties. His book is called Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life.

Whether you’re negotiating with your boss, leading a team, or just trying to work out what’s really going on in a meeting, this episode will give you lightbulb moments that will change the way you interact at work.

Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

We like to think we’re good listeners—but are we really? Too often, we drift in and out of conversations, half-hearing what’s being said while planning what to say next. So how do we shift from passive hearing to deep, intentional listening - the kind that transforms relationships, builds trust, and even changes lives?

In this episode, we’re joined again by Jessica Ball, a meetings facilitator who knows that listening is more than just hearing words—it’s about creating connection.

Together we explore:

• Why most of us default to “social listening” (and how it’s holding us back).
• The three levels of listening - to yourself, to others, and to a group.
• How our biases, emotions, and assumptions shape what we hear.
• Why no one is truly boring if you know how to unlock their story.
• How listening can be the antidote to polarisation, judgement, and disconnection.
• Simple techniques to sharpen your listening skills - for richer, more meaningful conversations.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling unheard - or realised too late that you weren’t really listening - this episode is for you.

Find Jessica Ball at www.creatingmeaning.club or on LinkedIn.

Ever felt silenced in a meeting, outnumbered in a discussion, or too intimidated to challenge the status quo? You’re not alone. Groupthink is a deeply ingrained survival instinct - we’re wired to stick with the herd, even when we disagree. But what if staying silent means the wrong decision gets made?

In this episode, Dr. Victoria Stakelum, a psychologist and NLP Master Coach, helps us understand why speaking up feels so hard—and how to do it anyway.

In this episode, we break down:

• Why groupthink happens - and how it can lead to bad decisions.
• How to recognise when you’re in a groupthink moment.
• The subtle psychological tricks to make your voice heard.
• How to frame your opinion so others actually listen (without triggering resistance).
• Why having just one ally in the room can change everything.
• Practical strategies for bringing confidence, presence, and authority to group discussions.

Whether it’s a team meeting, a social gathering, or a high-stakes decision, knowing how to challenge the group without alienating yourself is a game-changer.

This episode is for you if you want to learn how to hold your ground, influence the conversation and make sure your voice is heard.

Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

We’ve all been there—the meeting that starts with good intentions but quickly spirals into chaos. Packed agendas, dominant voices, awkward silences, and a creeping sense that nothing is actually getting done. So how do we fix it?

In this episode, we’re joined by Jessica Ball, an expert meetings facilitator who has worked with organizations like the UN and Cambridge University to design meetings that are inclusive, effective, and - dare we say it - enjoyable. She shares practical strategies to cut through the noise, manage power dynamics, and create meetings where everyone feels heard, valued, and engaged.

From avoiding meeting overload to handling difficult personalities and using language to defuse tension, this episode is packed with insights you can apply immediately - whether you’re leading the discussion or just trying to get a word in.

If you’ve ever walked out of a meeting wondering, 'what was the point of that?', this episode is for you.

Find Jessica Ball at www.creatingmeaning.club or on LinkedIn.

Saying no at work can feel impossible - especially when you want to maintain good relationships and a strong professional reputation. But constantly saying yes can lead to burnout, poor performance, and a lack of recognition for your value. So how do you set boundaries without damaging your career?

In this episode, we speak with Dr. Victoria Stakelum, also known as The Success Smith, a leading personal and professional transformation expert. She shares practical strategies to help you say no with confidence, protect your time and energy, and maintain professionalism while standing your ground.

Whether you work in a collaborative team or a high-pressure corporate environment, Dr. Stakelum’s insights will help you navigate workplace conversations more effectively. From handling unrealistic requests to negotiating your workload, this episode is full of actionable advice to help you take control of your career—without fear of consequences.

Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

We explore with Averil just how life-changing conversations can be.

Summary

In this episode, Mai, Sarah, and guest psychotherapist, Averil Leimon, discuss the challenges of effective communication, particularly in professional settings. Together they explore the barriers that prevent individuals, especially those in leadership positions, from engaging in meaningful conversations. This episode highlights the importance of vulnerability, active listening, and the generational differences in communication styles. Practical tips are provided for improving conversational skills, emphasising the need for self-reflection and the courage to ask deeper questions.

Takeaways

• Conversations are essential for building relationships and understanding others.
• Many leaders struggle with effective communication due to ingrained beliefs and a lack of practice.
• Vulnerability can enhance conversations and foster deeper connections.
• Younger generations expect more emotional engagement in the workplace.
• Listening is a critical skill that is often overlooked in conversations.
• Asking follow-up questions can lead to more meaningful discussions.
• Practicing small interactions can improve overall communication skills.
• Self-reflection is key to understanding one's own communication style.
• Creating a safe space for conversations encourages openness.
• Everyone has a story; it's about finding the right questions to unlock it.

So we’ve set out to explore the subject of conversation. We’ll be looking at every type of conversations we find ourselves involved in and we’d love you to join us to learn how to have conversations that end well for everyone.

It might just change your life!

So we’ve set out to explore the subject of conversation. We’ll be looking at every type of conversations we find ourselves involved in and we’d love you to join us to learn how to have conversations that end well for everyone.

It might just change your life!